smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
