We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she told me i tasted like america
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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