hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
