you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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