I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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