census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
