My liver just broke up with me...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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