When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
