I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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