He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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