Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Do vagina's smell?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
