It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
