Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
