I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
