I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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