Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
