we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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