why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
