One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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