Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
