At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
