stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
