I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
