im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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