Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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