If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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