after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
