I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
