I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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