is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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