I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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