I heard we made out
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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