I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
