i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
