I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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