just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I am naked and annoyed.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
