apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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