After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Randomize