GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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