benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
