I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
