when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
