i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize