I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
