my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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