i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
