I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
