Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
it's great music for shaving your balls
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
