ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
