There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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