Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
