Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
