Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
