I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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