I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
