i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
