You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
