I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
