She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
