Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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