I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
