Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
