some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
where does the pee come out of this thing
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
