Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
