You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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