Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
