If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
