shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
